I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
Randomize
