hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
