got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Randomize
