I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
Randomize
