my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Randomize
