I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
