I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
