she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Randomize
