Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
Randomize
