I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
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