You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
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