i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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