you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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