is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Randomize
