somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
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