forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
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