I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
