did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
We talked him into tasing himself.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
