Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
My underwear smells like fireworks.
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
This beer is not sobering me up at all
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
Randomize
