Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
Randomize
