U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
Randomize
