she was so not down for the gang bang
You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Randomize