Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
Randomize
