so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
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