I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
Randomize
