Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Randomize
