It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Randomize
