eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
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