I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
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I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
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You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
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