what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
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