I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
