do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Randomize
