He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
