I can text with my tongue
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
Randomize
