I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
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