i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
