I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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