remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Randomize
