I faked an abortion last night.
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
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