i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
There's even glitter on my cock...
Randomize
