God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
Randomize
