you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
