I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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