who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
I deserve this hangover.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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