Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Randomize
