I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Randomize
