you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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