This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
Randomize
