you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
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