Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
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We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
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I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
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