i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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