I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
Randomize