I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
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