what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
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