I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
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