What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
Come see our sink grown plant.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Randomize
