Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
We named our party play list daddy issues
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
