Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
