gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
