Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
