You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
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